...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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