with your own penis?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
