Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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