I wish I could punch you in the face.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
