So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
