mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
