honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
