I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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