before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
