Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
