I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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