Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
