Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found your dick twin last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
