i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
