I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
