I'm so fucking centered right now
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
