i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize