3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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