im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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