Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
