She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
