Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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