He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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