I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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