you guys were way drunker than both of me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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