i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
