I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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