apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
