The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
