I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
