i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
