I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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