I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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