Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize