Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
