I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
