I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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