All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
