Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
