90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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