I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Are we still banned from the library?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
