i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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