I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
