I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
