Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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