butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
two words: eviction party
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
