When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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