how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
