I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
