Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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