Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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