I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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