Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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