i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My ATM looks so different sober.
We are two peas in an std pod
where are you?
Hypothermia
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
