yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
