We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
