my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
