Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
