my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
