come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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