The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
