I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
