I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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