Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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