Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
