I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
