am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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