I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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