I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
either way he was missing a nipple.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
