So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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