i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
