Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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