Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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